Early Life Crisis: A Look(book) into the Five Stages of Zoom Fatigue

Jayna Rohslau, ‘22

Monday

The weekend has ended, and your future is uncertain. Will you actually attempt to understand your teachers this week, or will you mute yourself, turn your camera off, and go to Starbucks? That is the question. Regardless of your decision, I recommend that you wear clothes today. Clothes can help you feel more like yourself during this unprecedented time, and also it is generally frowned upon if you go without. I would advise you to start the week off on the right foot, and then the left foot, with matching socks on both. This sartorial decision will help you find balance amidst the chaos of existence. On your torso, I suggest you wear a shirt. If you have pants, wear those too. Try a pair of jeans high in cotton and low in stretch, to give your life the structure it’s been missing.

Photo credit: Anna Sui, RE/DONE, Entireworld

Tuesday

Tuesday is exactly the same as Monday, only worse because the memory of the weekend is beginning to fade. Midweek monotony is already settling in, as the amount of busy work assigned by teachers threatens to impede one’s enjoyment of the finer things in life. These finer things include Tiktok, Facetiming friends, and online-shopping -- all fun activities currently endangered by the hundreds of pages I have been assigned to read. Speaking of shopping, it is possible that you have accumulated some nice items over quarantine that you cannot wait to wear. But as we are in a pandemic and only your mom will complement your outfit, I think of Tuesday as a great day to wear sweats. Or, a phrase I never thought I would utter pre-quarantine, leggings as pants. Also wear a shirt, but if your socks do not match, who cares.

Photo credit: Brandy Melville, Realisation Par, Amazon

Wednesday

High-low is an effective styling trick where you pair the most expensive items you own with more affordable, schlumpy pieces. But let us be honest, Wednesday is a schlumpy kind of day. Low-low, I will call it. How low can you go? On most Wednesdays in quarantine, I simultaneously feel like curling up into a little ball and jumping into an active volcano, just to feel something. To imitate the warmth generated by a volcano, wear the cardigan from under your bed, a sweater at the bottom of your closet, and a hoodie from the very popular and populated floor. You can keep your pajama pants on today and maybe layer a blanket over the whole ensemble. Then curl up into a ball, and try to feel something. The overall look is bag lady, or maybe… high fashion? The two are easily confused these days.

Photo credit: N. Hoolywood, Libertine, Bed Bath & Beyond

Thursday

Forget about being experimental with your clothes, by Thursday it is a struggle, it is a war. And there is nothing anyone is giving, one more day standing about, what is it for? By Thursday, I think most of us are Les Misérables, and we are actually looking forward to the days when we can walk through BHSEC’s cramped and crowded halls. Although that might have been how you felt on Monday. By Thursday, you may start genuinely questioning your sanity. Looking at the heads of your classmates on Zoom, you begin to wonder, do they even have bodies? No, clothes do not matter now. The important thing is survival. To encapsulate this mindset, wear something practical, like camo-print so you fade into the background and your teacher does not call on you or a bulletproof vest. Prepare yourself, soldier (and if you do not wear pants, no one will notice).

Photo credit: Claires, SafeGuard Clothing

Friday

Ah yes, Friday. By today, everything is starting to look positive again -- dress accordingly.

Photo credit: Batsheva, Maison Margiela

Bonus: Fashion Icons

Say what you like about his style, he managed to wear the same thing everyday and that is actually quite hard.