An (Entirely Scientific) Defense of 2nd Ave

Jayna Rohslau, ‘22

April 2019

2nd Ave may have 2nd in its name, but Delancey doesn’t even have a number.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that everyone has to get to school. Whether you are a teacher or a student, a overachiever or a slacker, a human or a sentient plant- public transportation is an unavoidable necessity for most members of the BHSEC community. And with the exception of the 1%, the lucky elite who live close enough to walk or take the bus all the way, that means many students are reliant on the nearby Delancey and 2nd ave subway stations. This has been the subject of many a heated debate as people have pondered the question: what is the meaning of life which station is better than the other? And many people have come to a consensus, in the murky statement that follows:

It’s obviously Delancey, Jayna.

And my answer, all too often internalized: no, no it’s not.

While I would like to dispel the morally ambiguous argument for Delancey, firstly I will acknowledge that I understand it. Delancey-Essex Street Station, upon first glance, may indeed seem to be the superior option. According to the reliable source Wikipedia, it services “the F and J trains at all times,” and additionally services the “M train at all times except for late nights,” and the “Z skip-stop train during rush hours in peak condition.” This is in comparison to 2nd Ave Station, which is only serviced by the F train. So if you wished to provoke and disagree with me you might say, “It seems that Delancey offers more transportation options,” and you would technically be correct.

Additionally, I will concede that Delancey has many attractive surrounding prospects. It is located near Economy Candy, which is well-loved by BHSEC students as a place to buy candy (and well-loved by one Yelp reviewer as a place to buy her "Abbaye de Flavigny Oval Traditional Tin Rose Flavored Anise drops”, but that’s irrelevant.) and, I concede, is rightfully so. I will also concede that the giant tootsie rolls are to die for. And beyond Economy Candy, have you seen the pretty trees on the inside of the subway station? I concede that they are very pleasing to the eye indeed.

Some pretty tiled trees

Photo credit: MTA Arts and Design, web.mta.info

But that is where praise for Delancey ends, I am afraid, and criticism begins. For beneath its facade (pleasant, like the pretty tiled trees) lies a darker and harsher reality(contrary to their appearance, the pretty tiled trees are just as filthy as the rest of the subway.)  If my analogy is beyond comprehension, let’s look at the cold hard facts. Firstly, Delancey Street Station services four trains, and “in addition to the two track levels—the BMT platforms are on the upper level, and the IND platforms are on the lower—an intermediate mezzanine built for the IND platforms provides the passenger connection between the two lines.” So there are four trains and two track levels in addition to a mezzanine, which apparently means ‘in between level.” But why is there an in-between level? Can it not make up its mind? To me it sounds like Delancey Street Station is awfully confused, and due to its scale might be awfully challenging to navigate, as well.

Secondly, I find fault in regards to Delancey’s surrounding options for dining and food: or namely, the candy. Giant tootsie rolls and chocolate cigarettes, lemon drops and those really big tubes of chocolate covered nuts. It can be so tempting to take one… and then take five more.  Gluttony is acknowledged to be a sin by many people, and with Economy Candy nearby it is one that Delancey train-goers inevitably fall prey to. Thus Delancey’s proximity to Economy Candy may be considered to be of great danger to one’s soul in addition to one’s health. And yes, there is a risk to one’s health: the moral risk aside, candy itself also has many detrimental effects. According to Healthmama.com, for instance, it can cause stress to the liver. Due to the workload, most BHSEC students are already stressed in the head; why on earth would you want to stress out your liver too? You could give yourself a migraine. A liver-migraine, I suppose, but a migraine nonetheless.

This may all seem incomprehensible for the average train-goer. But wait, you might say, Delancey is closer to school than 2nd ave and that’s the end of the story. Jayna, you have clearly lost it. And I would whirl around to face you and snarl in a deep gravelly voice, you are wrong on both counts. And you would huddle in a small ball in the corner, and stop trying to rebutt my argument.

Which is, as it turns out, actually is correct: 2nd ave is located in a more desirable proximity than Delancey. According to Google Maps, it takes 17 minutes to walk from Delancey to school, compared to the 16 minutes it takes to walk from 2nd. But that’s a 1 minute difference, you might be compelled to argue from your corner. And I, ever the good Samaritan, would refrain from throwing you into a volcano but instead teach you the error of your ways. For a minute, however small, can make a huge difference in the course of a life. A person can be incinerated in a volcano in a minute.