Advice for the Queer in the Times of Cheer
Nancy Shi, ‘22
December 2019
The holiday season is coming up, and you know what that means: family, friends, and fun! Yes, your touchy-feely uncle will come to see you for Christmas. Yes, that means your drunk aunt will also be in tow. And in the midst of stuffing your face with your mom’s famous gingerbread cookies, many of your relatives may poke their noses where they don’t belong: your private life. Do you still go to church every Sunday? How’s that cystic acne? Uncomfortable questions are common, but one of the most popular seems to be whether or not you’ve found someone special yet. If they’re still stuck in the 20th century like many people born around the 1900s, this question will most likely be accompanied with a heteronormative undertone (ie. if you’re biologically male, they’ll ask if you have a girlfriend yet and if you’re biologically female, they’ll ask if you have a boyfriend). Thing is: you’re out as a queer person at school but you haven’t found the time to tell your distant relatives yet (or you don’t feel comfortable telling them or any other myriad of possibilities). That’s totally okay! Here are some tips on how to survive the holiday season as a queer person:
Breathe. The holidays can be an overwhelming time and taking a minute to breathe can make all the difference.
Have someone (a reliable friend/family member) that you can talk to, whether that be on social media or otherwise.
Homophobia should never be tolerated, not even from your relatives. Do not let them get away with oppressing your identity. If they make a negative remark about the LGBTQ+ community but you aren’t comfortable with putting yourself out there yet, tell them that what they said is not okay because you know someone else/are friends with someone in that community.
Celebrate the holidays with your close friends who know and accept you. Surrounding yourself with your chosen loved ones is key to good, quality holiday time. You don’t have to feel obligated to celebrate the holidays with people you don’t feel comfortable with/don’t like, even if they’re related to you by blood.
Talk to others about what you’re feeling. Often, you may feel the need to shoulder the burden of homophobia alone but you shouldn’t feel like you’re troubling others when you talk about your emotions.
Create an exit strategy for when you’re stuck at the family function with seemingly no end in sight. For example, you could have your close friend bail you out for some made-up emergency if the situation prompts that need.
Regardless of what you end up doing, you should definitely enjoy the holiday break and get some well-deserved rest. Don’t let anyone ruin your zen!