Breaking News: BHSEC Has Bathrooms (and Those Bathrooms Have Toilets)

Lily Gordon ‘17

April Fools 2016

This week, recent complaints about feces and urination on the floor have spurred school officials into taking a proactive approach to address the issue. 

After sifting through old files, Jeffrey Moss, who works in the admissions office, found some old blueprints from when BHSEC was first constructed. These documents indicate that the building was fully-equipped with bathrooms since 1915 and, surprisingly, still has small rooms at the corners of the building with faucets connected to pipes that carry running water. 

The most revelatory piece of information is that these small rooms also have toilets. Back in the old days, people used to use these round porcelain seats as a storage place for excretory human waste. For a long time, humans thought these artifacts were obsolete and they fell into disuse. A thick layer of dust coats the brim of these pearly white bowls, yet they have a chic vintagey vibe that speaks to the hipster millennial spirit and retrospectively artistic sensibilities at BHSEC. 

Much like the rediscovery of the classical Greek world during the Renaissance, so have toilets been rediscovered. People have been calling it a “latrinasance.”

Although most members of BHSEC think that this whole “toilet thing” is a fad, some students hope these toilets are here to stay.

The Student Union would like all students and faculty know that toilets are available if they want it “as an option.” Some might say, “poo in a commode? How retro, how perverse, how old fashioned, how unhip and backwards.” Toilets have been around since the second millennium BC, this much is true, but sometimes old forgotten relics make a comeback. 

Look at polaroid cameras, choker necklaces, ironic cassette tapes, and record players. Who knows, maybe toilets will be the newest bohemian love affair.