Jayna Rohslau, ‘22

March 2019

Over the years, various students have contributed a remarkable selection of affecting,original and even serious, articles for the Bardvark. At this time, a certain 9th grader is not feeling particularly serious. For lack of said emotional complexity and depth, this writer has come up with an idea for a monthly survey. This survey will be asked of a random population of random students and hopefully take place monthly (fingers crossed). The questions will not be affecting, original, or even serious. But this writer hopes they might be entertaining (again, fingers crossed).

This month’s pointless question:

In a world where everyone has superpowers, you gain the dumbest superpower imaginable. What is it, and do you use it for good or evil?

Top Answers:

“The ability to give other people acne.”

-Lucy, evil.

“The ability to imitate the sound a dolphin makes.”

-Emily, evil and would take over the world.

“The ability to shapeshift, but only once and very slowly.  It’s called aging.”

-Jenna, probably evil.

“The ability to fly slowly, one inch off of the ground.”

-Eamon, evil.

“The ability to tell when the M14D is coming, except only the M14D and only right before it arrives.”

-Lianne, good.

“Growing tomatoes.”

-Alice, good.

Note:  This very unscientific survey was admittedly limited to a couple of 9th graders.  Randomness will increase as the writer works up the nerve to talk to people she doesn’t know.