Alright ladies, gentlemen, and non binary folks, on this fine day we’re going to talk about my favorite topic: toxic relationships on tv. This time, we’re going to talk about the immediate crowd favorite Netflix original, Stranger Things. This show skyrocketed to popularity after its release in 2016, and was given two more seasons. Is it still relevant? Probably not. Do I care? Also, no. Romantic relationships are woven throughout each season, from the unremarkable Bob, who was introduced as Joyce’s momentary boyfriend just to be quickly killed off, to Jonathan and Nancy who go from Jonathan creepily watching her and taking photos of Nancy half naked without her consent to loving significant others. Not even going to touch that one. Shockingly, what with the fact that nearly every character had a love interest/romantic subplot in this show, it took the writers three seasons to come up with a minor LGBT character, and that wasn’t even their idea. What a surprise. We won’t be talking about any of these wonderful things today. Instead, we will be talking about arguably the most important relationship in the entire show: Mike and Eleven. Specifically, the power imbalances and toxic aspects of this relationship that made it so incredibly uncomfortable for me to watch.

1. Mental Age Gap

    When we first meet Eleven, she is in a government facility with no other children her age and is consistently tested on and abused by Dr. Brenner. This would explain why she appears to have the mentality of a child at the start of the show. Her mental development would have likely been stalled by the abuse and neglect of Brenner, and the lack of other children to engage with.These two factors would have effectively eliminated any possibility of having an actual childhood, leaving her in developmental limbo. The last time she experienced any kind of genuine human connection and social stimulus would have been in the Rainbow Room, in which we are shown that she played with Eight. She does not remember this, as she has to go into her mother’s mind to see it, which allows us to estimate when her development was stalled. Children’s early memories start to fade when they are about seven. So let’s say at the most, Eleven is still mentally a seven year old at the beginning of the show. According to the Stranger Things wiki, Mike is 12 when the show starts. That’s a 5 year mental age gap. This gets even more uncomfortable when you think about the fact that Mike moves them towards more sexual things in Season 3. He’s 14 and he’s going through puberty, so he starts doing things like making out with her. They are brushing against the edge of sexuality, and at some point in the future he is likely to push her over that edge (intentionally or not). Let’s be optimistic and assume that Eleven’s development resumes now that she is surrounded by other children and has some semblance of parental figures. This would mean that at this time she’s mentally about 10 years old. He is pushing her towards sexuality at the age of 10. Let’s again, be extremely optimistic and say that they don’t have sex until Mike is a legal adult (age 18), although this is often not the case. In such a case, Eleven would be mentally roughly 15. At the very least (if she were the age physically that she is mentally), this would be illegal. Say that Mike is instead the age Nancy was when she had sex with Steve (16), this would mean Eleven would be mentally about 11. Yikes.

1. Eleven’s naivete

When Eleven is first thrust into the outside world, she has never in her life been taught anything about the world. Mike and his gang are the first people to explain anything about the world to her. As a result of this, she is dependent on them in a lot of ways. She knows nothing and, from her point of view, they know everything. She essentially has to take what they say as gospel. This obviously gives Mike a severe advantage in terms of power in their relationship. In addition, let’s address the fact that she has no understanding of what a relationship is.Within the lab, she had no books, no movies, and no parents, so there is zero chance that she would have even a vague conceptual understanding of romance. She doesn’t even understand familial relationships. When Mike offers to let her stay with him permanently and mentions that his family could be hers, she asks if he would be her brother. She is completely confused as he tries to explain. It might be argued that “Oh, she smiled after he kissed her, so she knows what it means.” No, she knows that it is his way to communicate affection. Right before he kisses her, he talks about going to the Snow Ball together, and he mentions that it’s a dance you go to with someone you “like.” She can figure out from context clues that it is some kind of expression of affection, however she would have no way of knowing that it is an expression of non-platonic affection. Don’t even get me started on the fact that the poor girl doesn’t even understand her own feelings. When her and Max go shopping, she has to ask Max “How do I know what I like?” No one has ever asked her to make a decision based on how SHE feels before, including Mike. She has no identity outside of Mike, which is part of the reason she’s confused about how to pick out clothes for herself.

Honestly, if I wanted to, I could go on a tirade about the issues of two adult men writing a relationship like this, and what that says about their mindset about women. I could go on and on about the romanticization of infantilized women in the media and the cultural subconscious but I’ll leave you to make your own conclusions. However, I do encourage you to think about how commonly toxic and/or imbalanced relationships are displayed as romantic in movies and tv shows, and the example that sets for young people watching these things and forming their own ideas of romance, specifically young women.