Nancy Shi ‘22, and Jayna Rohslau ‘22

December 2019

Back by popular demand -- and when they say popular demand, they mean the approval of their three close friends that simply stared off into the distance when presented with the previous interview piece -- investigative reporters Shi and Rohslau are on the case again, this time searching for the answer to the long, elusive question: Which way is the North Pole? Perhaps this time they will encounter a Y1 secretly disguised as an elf (which would explain how Santa knows whether you’ve been naughty or nice) or uncover a secret plot by the freshmen to escalate tensions between the US and Russia, creating a World War III for the sake of an interesting ending to the decade.Whatever it may be, this iconic duo will reveal the secrets behind all of your favorite holiday festivities.

Manuel Torres, ‘22

Would you rather sweat gravy or sweat mashed potatoes? Why?

I’d rather sweat gravy because at least that's still a liquid. Imagine your feet sweating mashed potatoes— it'd be like stepping through mud all day. Not ideal.

What is your favorite holiday movie? Why?

“The Nightmare Before Christmas” because it’s a classic and it takes a fun interpretation of the holidays.

Tenzin Jobe, ‘22

If you had to invent a holiday, what would it be like?

I’d make a holiday that was just about your friends. It would allow people who don't have the best families and bring kids together. Events like Secret Santa and Friendsgiving are adaptive versions of originally family-based holidays; They highly value family over friends. My holiday would help kids who have families that are toxic. 

Would you rather know what all your gifts are or be surprised by all your gifts?

It depends on who is giving the gift to me. If it’s a “homeslice” I’d rather not know what it is because it’d be a nicer surprise. If it's like a Secret Santa thing in a large group, I’d prefer to know what the gift is. Safety in knowing that the giver has my best interests in mind makes me okay with not knowing what gift I get. 

Would you rather have an entire snow week off from school or an extra week of summer vacation? Why?

I hate summer because it's so hot. I’m constantly drippin’ and honestly, you can layer more on but you cannot take layers off. It’s not socially acceptable for me to wear less than a baggy T-shirt and some shorts but guys wear less than I do and don’t get finessed. If summer was cooler, I would say we should get an extra week of summer vacation but overall, an entire snow week off from school is better.

(The interrogators would like to note that this victim used “drippin’”, “finessed”, “homeslice”, and woah-ed quite often when placed under pressure)

Isaac Rosenthal, ‘23

Would you rather lose all your money playing dreidel spin with your group of friends or replace your pillow with one made of latke? Why?

I would choose the latke because then I could eat it and then buy a pillow with the money I have from winning dreidel.

Would you rather have to cook a big holiday meal every year or have to clean up and do the dishes after the holiday meal every year?

I would do the dishes after a family investment in a Hobart (an industrial dishwasher). One wash is around a minute.

Would you rather wash your hair with cranberry sauce or wash your hair with mashed potatoes and gravy? Why?

I would use cranberry sauce because I don’t like mashed potatoes and cranberries are yummy.

Marcus Olsson, ‘22

Finish this thought, "It wouldn't be Christmas without _____."

It wouldn’t be Christmas without Charlie Brown’s Christmas movie because my family and I watch it every Christmas and - I don’t know - it’s just a very sentimental thing.

What is your funniest holiday memory?

my cousin, who is like a really rich white girl, goes to a private school in a well-off suburban neighborhood. Do you know the type? Well anyways, we were spending our Christmas with that part of the family and so she got like new socks or something and I can’t remember exactly but it was something along those lines. So then she got really angry because she wanted something else or whatever and she threw the socks out and had like an hour-long tantrum. There’s not a lot more to the story but I thought it was pretty funny.

If your dad is Santa and an elephant is your mom, what is the temperature at the North Pole when Christmas gets moved to the 26th?

Atlanta, California.

Jason Wong, ‘20

Would you rather work untangling Christmas lights or work as a mall Santa? Why?

I would rather work as a mall Santa because I’m tall enough to do that and almost as fat as Santa. When you untangle Christmas lights, it kills your patience. On the other hand, being a mall Santa means you can talk to kids.

Alec Natal, ‘22 and Lucy Regnier-Kline, ‘22

Which way is the North Pole and how would you get there?

AN: Well, diets- I would want to walk about 7000000 miles north.  Then make a right for about 800 miles and then make a left and then keep going straight until you see the first polar bear in sight, and once you see that you would run in the opposite direction, and there you will see the North Pole.

LRK: Fly to Japan but jump out the plane midway.  They (the exchange students) flew over the North Pole/Arctic circle so I would just do that and go skydiving.