I am not religious. 

I do not have the best relationship with my mother. 

But in the darkness of our reality today, I need to find light. Through Allah, for my mother. 

Today my mother comes home from work. It is 4:30 p.m. and I am taking a nap in my room. My mother walks in and like any other day, she reminds me to do my afternoon prayer. I want to sleep some more so I quietly wait for her to leave the room. But a quick peek from beneath my blanket, I see her still there. She is looking at herself in the mirror next to my bed. Ten minutes pass by and my mother is still there, gazing at her reflection. I wonder, what could she have been thinking about in those ten minutes? 

Little did I realize that while I was grumbling about wanting to sleep a few extra minutes, my mother was shaking in fear- fear for her life and the five lives living with her. 

My mother is a nurse at Jacobi Medical Center in the Bronx. She works a 7-4 shift five days a week. Some days she’ll work a double shift to make the extra money. Recently, there has been a higher call for people working at hospitals to do extra hours but I wish she didn’t go to work at all. There is no certainty for her health and survival in the work she is constantly involving herself in. How safe even is the space for her? Is she wearing an N95 mask at all times? Does she have enough PPE on? Can she breathe? 

The closest I can get to these answers is through our few and brief phone calls. But those have been the hardest conversations to hear when she is literally telling me (in Bengali): 

“I want to quit so badly, it’s frightening working here. My life is always on the line when I interact with another patient who tests positive for the coronavirus. I am scared, Sumya, but I can’t just quit or else our family will suffer. Please do your namaz and make dua for me and our family...” 

The sound of her voice is growing weaker. Yet she continues to walk through my bedroom door, asking for my prayers while I sleep. How selfish could I be? She is shaking in terror and I am sleeping. She is fighting on the front lines of a global pandemic and I am sleeping. She is begging me to pray for her and I- am sleeping.

This is no longer a situation where I can be comfortable in the grudges I held against her. My mother needs me and I need her. I don’t know how to say “I love you” to her but if there is one thing I can do for my mother, it is to call for Allah.

Today I will pray with intention, for the sake of my mother

who is fighting at risk every day for a world beyond herself.

- Below is a Dua for my mother

Ayatul Kursi (A blessing from Allah for the protection of one. When one leaves home and recites Ayatul Kursi, Allah sends a group of angels to come and protect them from any harm): 

اللَّهُ لاَ إِلَهَ إِلاَّ هُوَ الْحَيُّ الْقَيُّومُ لاَ تَأْخُذُهُ سِنَةٌ وَلاَ نَوْمٌ لَهُ مَا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الأَرْضِ مَنْ ذَا الَّذِي يَشْفَعُ عِنْدَهُ إِلاَّ بِإِذْنِهِ يَعْلَمُ مَا بَيْنَ أَيْدِيهِمْ وَمَا خَلْفَهُمْ وَلاَ يُحِيطُونَ بِشَيْءٍ مِنْ عِلْمِهِ إِلاَّ بِمَا شَاءَ وَسِعَ كُرْسِيُّهُ السَّمَاو ;َاتِ وَالأَرْضَ وَلاَ يَئُودُهُ حِفْظُهُمَا وَهُوَ الْعَلِيُّ الْعَظِيمُ

Allahu laaa ilaaha illaa huwal haiyul qai-yoom; laa taakhuzuhoo sinatunw wa laa nawm; lahoo maa fissamaawaati wa maa fil ard; man zallazee yashfa’u indahooo illaa be iznih; ya’lamu maa baina aideehim wa maa khalfahum; wa laa yuheetoona beshai ‘immin ‘ilmihee illa be maa shaaaa; wasi’a kursiyyuhus samaa waati wal arda wa la ya’ooduho hifzuhumaa; wa huwal aliyyul ‘azeem