Maya Rubin ‘18 and Lily Gordon ‘17

April Fools 2016

For the first time in BHSEC history, the award-winning BHSEC Model United Nations team has had to fend off overwhelming numbers of faculty interested in chaperoning their annual trip to WAMUNC. Historically, finding eligible chaperones has been a big problem for the team, but this was not the case for this particular trip. 

According to Max F. Neuman ‘16, Undersecretary of Conferences, the shockingly high turnout can be attributed to several factors: “I think timing definitely played into it. It’s one of the most convenient weekends for the faculty, being the weekend before narratives are due, and the one directly after midterms. Also, it’s pretty much every BHSEC teacher’s idea of a vacation to be stuck in traffic with loud adolescents for several hours unnecessarily early on a Saturday morning. It’s fantastic for the creative process, or so I’ve heard.” 

Neuman is not alone in his sentiment. Various teachers, particularly those with young children, were anxious to be chosen by the Model UN Secretariat. Dr. Hale, upon being rejected, commented: “I’m so disappointed! I was really looking forward to going. Disciplining sleep-deprived and overcaffeinated Bard students at 3 am after the Delegate Dance has always been a dream of mine. I was even excited to leave my young son to fend for himself for four days!” Dr. Hale’s son declined to comment, but Dr. Hale assured us that he was just as disappointed.

Professor Ducett was also particularly anxious to chaperone. “How will anyone be able to know when to shut up without me?” he explained enthusiastically to bystanders at the sign-up sheet, which extends from Dean Brutsaert’s desk down to Blanca’s loving arms in the book room. At one time the list was rumored to have every faculty member currently employed—as well as retired teachers, Brian along with the entire maintenance staff, and Peter Kolbe— signed up. The list, in fact, is so long that students have to climb over or under it in order to get to class. “We saw this documentary in bio [sic] about sea otters anchoring onto sea kelp so they don’t float away at night,” said Kevin Mendez ‘17. “I see a great parallel between these two situations because I too anchor myself to this list so I don’t drift away at night.”

WAMUNC is greatly anticipated among members of the team as well. Newcomer Ori Shaham ‘19 said: “It’s been great that my first year of Model UN at BHSEC has gone so smoothly. I was worried that we’d have to deal with logistical difficulties, but there have been virtually none so far. This is probably the most organized club I’ve seen so far at BHSEC.” Shaham said that he was excited to attend his second four-day conference. “One thing’s for sure: we’ll be in Washington, D. C. with a secure faculty advisor and all fees paid next week beating Horace Mann!” Shaham said happily. 

The Model UN club looks forward to its next conference.