2014 Bard College Endowment Funded Entirely by Bake Sales

bakesale

Alberta Devor, ’15

In a new report released this past Tuesday, Bard College announced that it had reached 100% of its funding goal for the 2013-2014 academic year through bake sales. For the past fifteeen years, Bard College has become increasingly dependent upon bake sales for revenue. However, this is the first year that the college’s dependence upon baked goods has surpassed 75% of its total budget.

Bard College has often been criticized in past years for its funding issues, but criticism has not stopped President Botstein’s voracious spending habits. Over the past six months, President Botstein has doubled the size of his antique emerald giraffe statue collection, exacerbating the already troublesome budget issue.

In response, a concerned student group called the Bothered Bakers of Bard began an aggressive baking campaign to solve the budget crisis. Over the past month the students have raised over $50, which is more money than Bard receives from all other funding sources combined. In a much-anticipated interview with Quadrophonic News, President Botstein reportedly said that he thought the bakers were “totally rad.” When asked if he was concerned about the college’s dependence upon cupcakes and cookies, he expressed his faith in sugary foods as a consistent source of earnings.

“Bard is a modest college,” Botstein explained. “All we need is enough money for a few teachers, a small campus, and 3,000 mini giraffe statues.”

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